it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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