I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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