I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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