i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
