My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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