Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
