somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
