He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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