Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
