i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
