On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
