stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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