So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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