saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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