He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
