i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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