I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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