Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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