3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
