She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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