i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
