Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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