I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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