I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
