I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
