I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
