I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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