note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this beer tastes like vomit already
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
