Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
