porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
