i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
