We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
