we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
