The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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