he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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