dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
