ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
