I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
