You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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