I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
