He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
