you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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