its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
