youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
