Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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