He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
