i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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