How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize