my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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