five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
