and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
