Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
