so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
