Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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