You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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