you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They took my balls.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
