Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
