I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
