How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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