Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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