Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize