Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
