i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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