so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
