apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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