Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
