kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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