Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
