Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
