I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
