the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
