last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize