She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he thought i was a dude.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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