im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
