THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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