whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
