the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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